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Tuesday, October 26th, 2010

Time:1:07 am.
Its a plague, this constant weight, it haunts my thoughts when you're away.
And would it be safe for one to say, I made your heart smile at the end of the day?

And what, what was hidden behind your smile?
Was it love, or pain in disguise?
I know my love never took that away,
I know my love was just a plague.

With everyday I pray you'd say I brought you joy in some way.
But that's not the case, cause I took it away, I turned your joy into pain.
I know my songs were never profound, they were never sincere enough to make your heart sing out.
So where am i wrong, in hoping that I might someday realize where I was all along?

Where I was all along

And what, what was hidden behind your eyes?
Was it love, or pain in disguise?
I know my love never took that away.
I know my love was just a plague.
Kill me!!.

Thursday, August 12th, 2010

Time:3:15 am.
It was the best of times
If only someone had told me
Mistakes were made, hearts were broken
Harsh lessons learned
My family goes on without me
While I drown in a sea of pointless pussy
I don't know how I got here
But here I am rotting away in the warm California sun
There are things I need to figure out
For her sake at least..
The clock is ticking, the gap is widening
She wont always love me no matter what
Kill me!!.

Friday, June 18th, 2010

Time:9:46 pm.
No matter how thick the skin
No matter how thick the bones
Everyone breaks
We all need a place to call home
I can't fake it anymore
This is the bottom
Cold
Alone
My home
Kill me!!.

Wednesday, June 16th, 2010

Time:9:44 pm.
comfort and safety have a direct relationship: the higher the comfort level the the lower the level of safety
1 Murders - Kill me!!.

Thursday, June 10th, 2010

Time:2:16 pm.
I cant make up my mind
I'm a whore in my dreams
A gentleman on the streets
I fight my demons in my own time
Walk around insecurities like they aren't mine
Selfishly alone
Throwing punches at the wind
Turning nothing into something

In the mirror you are insecure
All I see is you and nothing more
Just crooked veins and chalked skin
Layered softly over bones
Beautifully
Perfect to me
What am I supposed to do
When you'd rather hear it from a stranger
To me you have a heart
It beats a lot like mine
And every other god damn fool
That puts it on the line
Can you feel the rush?
As the blood flows in and out
You are not alone
Let go
Is it the guilt that turns you on
Or is it what gets you off
Along with every ounce of pride you've lost
I know
I'll never know
Your stomachs dragging on the floor
Entertaining me
Those eyes are books I've read before
From beginning to ending
I just know how it goes
I know
I'll never know

Don't you worry your pretty head
I don't mind
Being down on my own time
Trapped up inside my mind
See these words could come out
But they don't and I act out of line
Its like the truth is tied
To the back of a locked door
With the key broken off inside
I know you could
But you can't make up your mind
You know you should
But you'll never take a look inside
I will not be your
Revolving door
..anymore
Kill me!!.

Saturday, May 8th, 2010

Time:2:49 am.
I know you never truly loved me
And it is no ones fault
You cant feel what you don't believe in
But when something else doesn't feel right inside.
Remember
A secret is just as bad as a lie.
A secret is just as bad as a lie.
A secret is just as bad as a lie.
A secret is just as bad as a lie.
A secret is just as bad as a lie.
A secret is just as bad as a lie.
A secret is just as bad as a lie.
A secret is just as bad as a lie.
A secret is just as bad as a lie.
A secret is just as bad as a lie.
A secret is just as bad as a lie.
A secret hurts just as bad as a lie.
Kill me!!.

Wednesday, March 31st, 2010

Subject:Try not to think and I will try, too.
Time:9:27 pm.
Cause when the wind takes you, it takes me, too.
Kill me!!.

Thursday, January 28th, 2010

Subject:truth
Time:11:56 am.
And the time came when the risk it took to stay closed in a bud became more painful than the risk it took to bloom.
Kill me!!.

Friday, January 1st, 2010

Time:4:42 pm.
I'm writing down all of my saintly complaints
Pulling the strings they've attached to my face
But I'm done haunting houses and cursing at god
And filling up spaces with black and white fog
I saw my whole life in the glass on the floor
Well what did you think all that shaking was for
Now I'm floating downstream chasing after my bones
Well I guess I grew old
But I never went home
Kill me!!.

Wednesday, September 16th, 2009

Time:4:30 pm.
We said goodbye in a room with pink walls
And a furnace disrupting the good book being read
With the scent of must and a look of yesteryear
Your remains kept contained before we put them to rest
On my knees I looked at your picture
In front of a cross that its meaning I'm unsure of
A man dressed in black with a mark on his collar
Said you were going back home now, and not to feel somber
Everyone sang 'hallelujah low and out of tune
And spoke about names and pages I never knew
I saw my grandmother cry for the very first time
And at that moment she turned and her eyes met with mine.
I could only smile without showing my teeth
More relaxed and understanding
As I sat and hoped it helped her sad heart
I put my head back down to stare at my feet
Then at that moment I talked in my head with hopes she would hear
"Aunty P, I'm sorry the end of your life brought you so much pain.
So I'm happy you're free now and can walk straight again"
And as everyone prayed I looked at the cross and thought
"I'm sorry I can't cry like them, I'm sorry I don't cry like them"
Kill me!!.

Friday, August 7th, 2009

Time:3:31 am.
The truth is
I miss the smell of your hallway
And the way the pictures on the wall
Were just hanging from a thread
I was in one of them
It was more than enough
The truth is
I miss the smell of your apartment
As it welcomed me to your beautiful face
And our beautiful little girl that makes me heart race
Even with your open and always forgiven arms
You never understood how hard some days were
But I would never tell you
The truth is
I miss your kiss
And the way it felt the same if you meant it or not
Because deep down I knew you loved me
The truth is
I miss the smell of your sheets
The sweat and your body heat
You know I never got a full nights sleep
But I would never tell you
The truth is
I miss your neck on my arm
Because I knew somewhere in your dreams you loved me
And as the morning came we'd hear her voice
The truth is
I miss that face
The morning face you "never make"
The truth is
I miss your your hand in mine
Not for everyone to see but for peace of mind
You were never a trophy
You were never a 'need
You were everything I wanted to help make me..
Me
The truth is
For the first time
My heart is broken
The hardest thing i've ever had to say
Is i'll miss the way things were
Because the truth is
We'll never be that way again
Kill me!!.

Monday, June 15th, 2009

Time:4:55 pm.
We are all sufferers of love
Waiting for the rains to come
Hoping they flood away the pain
Some stable, some not safe to say
But we're all wishing death would call, would scream out each and every name
So here I am praying for the rains to come
Hoping they flood away the pain

We are all like specs of dust that happen to collect in the same shining ray of sun
Kill me!!.

Friday, June 12th, 2009

Subject:lullaby
Time:1:16 am.
I wont always be there when you feel alone
But I swear you're the silence between every breath in my chest
You keep me alive
Let the waves carry you tonight
Just call on me
And this space in between will just burt itself in every moment that I wish I was by your side
I sing myself songs to sleep
Because you're on my mind
Kill me!!.

Sunday, January 25th, 2009

Subject:Dear Misera,
Time:2:01 am.
She holds the ground
And still she doesn't know about me
All i've seen
This person I'm suppose to be
So fall asleep tonight
And wake up to a warmer shade of white

I will see you soon
Just hold on....hold on

Even if it took all night
I'll still find these words for you
Scattered on the way back home

With these arms around you
We've been holding back
Everyday is the same..we wait
If we built it up to watch it fall
We'll build this up and watch it fall again

I've never seen a sign of your need of love for me
But I know its burning
And I know you've seen
Mothers and fathers who once built one body
Now lie in separate cemeteries

How could you ever want this life, to do this on your own
Its all you've seen
How could you ever love someone and watch them walk alone

With these arms around you
We've been holding back
Everyday is the same..we wait
If we built it up to watch it fall
We'll build this up and watch it fall again

Watch it fall again

So feed while streets crack cold and sleep
So hollow,So shallow
She holds the ground and still she doesn't know about me, and all that i've seen
(So believe)
How could you ever want this life, to do this on your own
(So believe)
How could you ever love someone and watch them walk alone
Kill me!!.

Saturday, January 10th, 2009

Time:7:39 pm.
If you're reading this, it means I actually worked up the courage to mail it so good for me.
You don’t know me very well
But if you get me started I tend to go on and on about how hard the writing is for me.
This is the hardest thing I ever had to write.
There no easy way to say this so I’ll just say it, I met someone.
It was an accident, I wasn’t looking for it, it was a perfect storm.
She said one thing and I said another
Then the next thing I knew
I wanted to spend the rest of my life in the middle of that conversation.
Now there this feeling in my gut that she might be the one.
She is completely nuts in a way that makes me smile highly neurotic,
A great deal of maintenance acquired.
She is you, that’s the good news.
The bad news is that I don't know how to be with you right now
And that scares the shit out of me.
Because if I am not with you right now I have this feeling we will get lost out there.
It’s a big bad world full or twist and turns
And people have a way of blinking and missing the moment.
The moment that could of changed everything.
I don’t know what’s going on with us
And I can’t say you should waste a leap of faith on the likes of me.
But damn you smell good, like home.
And you make excellent coffee, that has to count for something.
Call me.
Unfaithfully yours
Kill me!!.

Monday, January 5th, 2009

Time:2:22 am.
I know we've been a lot
But the truth is I would scrape these walls by hand
..to see the color that they used to be again
Even it took all night
Sometimes it can take all night
A nice shade of white
..I think that would be nice
I hope you sleep alright tonight
And wake up to this shade of white
Kill me!!.

Thursday, December 11th, 2008

Time:5:57 pm.
fucking empty
Kill me!!.

Tuesday, November 4th, 2008

Time:12:45 am.
Now look, we've made a fool out of love
When all we want is to be enough
When all we want is to feel enough
Kill me!!.

Sunday, April 27th, 2008

Time:5:46 pm.
Racing on a faultline
Bracing for a landslide
Conscious of everything getting harder
As the race goes underwater
I keep stalling out
I just can't keep up
There's alarming doubt
Am I good enough?
But you keep coming around
to convince me
It's still far from over
We are still far
We are still far
Are we are still far from over
Kill me!!.

Tuesday, April 8th, 2008

Time:12:06 am.
worst day ever
Kill me!!.

LiveJournal for XJblochX.

View:User Info.
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View:Memories.
You're looking at the latest 20 entries. Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 20 entries.